Thankfully, I'm not responsible for the care of my parents just yet. We're still in the middle of the care taking process with Grandparent #4.
For 12 years, I watched my Dad care for his father and mother, both with Alzheimer's Disease. It was unusually difficult for him, and it broke my heart every day to see the look on his face when he arrived home from their house. For a while, it was just Granddaddy Archie who was ill. Dot Dot (that's what we called our Grandmother named Dot), was trying her best to take care of him, but simply didn't understand the disease. It was hard for her to grasp the fact that he wasn't saying and doing things just to make her mad. He really was "loosing it," for lack of a better phrase. He slowly began to revert back in time, talking to us as if we were old friends from the Army in WWII. We discussed the old business (he owned a paint store, and was a contractor), and even talked about elementary school and being a child. With every passing day, we could see the progression of his Alzheimer's Disease very clearly.
Once my Dad and his siblings realized how it was taking a toll on my Grandmother, they made the decision to place him in an Alzheimer's care facility. At that point, they realized that Dot Dot was now suffering from Dementia. It began to get worse as the months and years passed, and finally evolved into Alzheimer's as well.
So after 4 long years of caring for Granddaddy and Dot Dot at home, Daddy was now going every morning and every evening to the facility to take care of them there.
It was such a long process, the progression of the Disease. Granddaddy lived with it for 12 years, and Dot Dot for 8. It was truly devastating to watch them die in such a slow and debilitating way, and it was just as devastating to watch my Daddy go through the process with both parents.
Luckily, (and I mean luckily very loosely) my Mother's father didn't die in that way. He suffered from heart disease and other ailments. Although he was very sick, he died with his mind mostly in tact, and therefore, his dignity in tact as well.
My Mother is now going through the same process my Daddy went through. Her Mother, my Grandmother, is suffering from Dementia and Alzheimer's. I am living closer to my parents now, and am available to help out as much as I can with her care. It was hard to watch Archie and Dot suffer from such a disease, but this has reached a new level of difficulty for me.
I have my own family now, with two small children, so I'm very used to being the caretaker. But, my Grandmother was audacious! She was a full Lebanese, Chicago born Democrat, who came to a small Georgia town and became the Mayor for 22 years. She ruled the world! She is my idol, and the person I hoped to model my life after. Although I haven't started a career in politics just yet, my ambitions are still alive and well because of her guidance and support. She is the strongest woman I have ever known, and to see her struggling with her mind and memory... well frankly, it makes me mad as hell. I haven't even asked her everything I want to know about her life. As I get older, there's so much more I want to know, and now it's almost impossible to get that information from her. I began recording some of her stories about her life a few years before the disease began to attack her mind. It was the best idea I ever had, I only wish I had continued with it more diligently. I let it go by the wayside because I was living my life. If only I knew then, what I know now. Don't we all say that too often?
She has good days and bad days, but the good ones are few and far between now. She recently broker her arm, and that has made everything more difficult. She can't go to the bathroom by herself, bathe herself, or dress herself. We've had to find a night time caretaker to stay with her now, along with the day time caretaker who has been in our lives for a year. The good thing, is that she enjoys the company of both ladies, and trusts them (thank goodness). It is so hard to find someone with whom who you will trust your most valuable possession, your family. But, as she gets worse and her disease progresses, what will we do? She doesn't want to go to a facility, but the home healthcare is ridiculously expensive. Ultimately, that's a decision for my Mother and her siblings, and it's not a decision that is far off.
I just had a very difficult weekend with her. She was actually in good spirits and her mind wasn't too bad at all. But, we had issues. Let's just say, it's not something I want to talk about, nor would she want me to talk about it. It was just evident that this disease is going to do to her, the same thing it did to my other Grandparents.
I guess what I'm really worried about is doing this all over again with my parents. From the earliest ages, we all realize that our parents are invincible. They will be with us forever. At least, that's what we believe in our young, optimistic minds. I don't want the same thing to happen to my parents. I don't want to watch this horrible disease take any more people that I love. I can only hope and pray that, someday soon, there will be a cure. Oh sure, the drug companies will give you the false hope that there are medications out there which will stop the progression of Alzheimer's. Aricept and Namenda are the two most common. All I have seen from these drugs is the prolonging of a horrible existence that no one would ever want to live. Alzheimer's is truly the most devastating disease I have ever seen. I hope that there is continued research to find a cure. I think it is the only hope we have of eradicating the disease and saving future generations from such a horrible, horrible death.
What I hope to do with this blog is give myself a place to vent frustrations about what's going on in my Grandmother's life. I also welcome comments and posts from anyone who is going through the same type of situation. I know it's going to be hard for my parents, and I'll be talking about what they're going through as well. We need the best advice we can get about caring for our parents and grandparents, and I know that the best advice comes from the best sources. Well, there's no better source than real people. So please, let me know what you are thinking, what you're going through, what you know.
